Letting Go: Tattoos, Divorce, and Grief

Hello everyone, Uncle Marv here on the Unhealthy Podcast where we rip off the band aid of life's messiest habits from toxic coping mechanisms to mindset traps that keep us stuck. My guest today, Nancy Henriquez, sold her IT firm, shed her girl with a thousand tattoos identity. And today we are going to tackle some of those tattoo stories and regrets.

We're going to revisit her last appearance on the show where we talked about imposter syndrome. And we'll also talk about coping and grieving all while trying to maintain that professional grind. Nancy, welcome to the show.

Hello. Thank you for having me again. It is. 

Thank you for coming back. It has been some time and of course we both have been busy. Oh yeah, yep. 

It has been some time. I didn't realize how long it has been. This year or this past year, 2025, because we're also in a new year, was one of those years where it felt like it happened in a vacuum.

So yeah, not like the year of our COVID though. No, no, that was a whole other vacuum. For those that are new to the show or relatively new, Nancy was back with us a while back and we talked all about her tattoos and imposter syndrome.

And it was a very eye opening show. You and I know each other from the tech world and I've had you on the IT Business Podcast and we've talked about some stuff there, all business related. And we even talked a little diversity, but never anything as eye opening as what you talked about with us about your tattoos. 

So thank you for being open. Yeah. Sometimes it's hard to do that, but being vulnerable is uncomfortable.

But yeah, so important for us to do it though. Okay. So I know I'm going to put the link to that show in the show notes, but for a real quick recap, let's talk about that. 

I dubbed you the girl with a thousand tattoos, which I know that wasn't even close to a thousand, but it looked like it, according to me, with all the ones going up and down your arms. Um, you had just started on the neck, right? My, my chest. Yep. 

Okay. Um, I don't, I don't see that anymore. Nope. 

And those are, those are gone. One arm looks like it's almost completely empty. Yep. 

Um, it's still a work in progress, but, um, very faded comparatively speaking. All right. And when you came on the show, we were talking about what prompted you to actually start that removal process because that had to be a very tough decision, right? Oh yeah. 

Yeah. Yeah. Um, you know, getting them was not a tough decision. 

Um, many of them were, um, oh, um, drunken nights, let's say. Okay. Um, or many, many different reasons, but, uh, the decision to remove them was definitely a hard one. 

Um, it's, it's one of those where, um, how, how does one reinvent themselves? Um, yeah. Now, now at the time you were going through some personal, not personal, but professional changes at that time, what was going through your mind to get you into that point where, Hey, it's time to get these removed? Yeah. Um, well, uh, yeah, during that time I was going through a lot of professional and personal changes. 

Um, and it's super interesting because I feel like that has kind of continued, um, for the last couple of years as I've, uh, you know, gone through a lot of life changes. Um, but which is interesting because like last year was the year of the snake or whatever. And so people talk about like the shedding aspect of it. 

Um, and I feel that so much, um, this year and, um, a lot of what has happened over the last couple of years, um, have kind of, kind of gone at the same pace in that sense of, um, what started the tattoo removals, which was healing ultimately speaking. Um, and has kind of gone through. So major thing that happened in my life this year was it's with my grandmother who, um, she had cancer several years ago, went into remission, um, had been two years and then it came back and it was aggressive and it metastasized. 

And, um, so all at the same time, as I'm going through my healing journey, my grandmother's going through her end of life process at the end of, at the end of the day. And, um, for me that was also kind of healing in so many other ways all at the same time. And so I feel like all of this shedding has happened, um, for me in many ways. 

And the tattoo process has been a part of that along the way. Okay. Now when you were last on the show, um, I looked it up. 

It was April of 2024. So the unhealthy show, I've had you on the IT business show, and we've talked about those changes. So I would just want to bring a little bit of perspective to the listeners here. 

When we were talking last on this show, you, uh, were actually, you had sold your first business, been a part of a second business, uh, then went to a vendor in our space. Uh, you were the head of community, I believe was something close to your title name. Uh, and now you actually have your own coaching organization, uh, civil consulting. 

I'll have that in the show notes. So a lot of changes, both professionally and as you mentioned here personally as well, that's a lot to deal with changes on both sides. So how did, how did that feel? That is such a heavy question.

Loaded, very loaded question. How did it feel? Um, uh, at times it felt heavy. Um, it felt like I, I, I honestly don't know how I made it past. 

Um, and yet at the same time, it has been, it has been an experience where if it had not been for all of those changes, for all of the challenges, um, for everything, I would not be in the most healthiest place that I have been in, in probably my entire life. So for a reason. Right. 

So let's let, well, let's go back to the tattoos. I want to take this layer by layer here because as you mentioned, you know, it is a harder decision to get them removed than it is to put them on. And I know a lot of times when I've, let me rephrase that because I've never had an in-depth discussion with anybody else that's removed tattoos. 

I have seen from afar and a lot of times it feels like it is a, either a reclaiming of their body and a lot of sense where it has hindered them in some form or fashion. People see the tattoos and they judge immediately. Um, I know that you were also dealing with imposter syndrome for a while. 

And a lot of that may have been, I think it was more on the professional side because you, you did progress real fast in a lot of ways, you know, going through two, two sales of businesses, being involved in the vendor side and all of that. But when did you first, you know, have that very first feeling that these have to come off? Uh, yeah, it, I think it was a mixture of, of everything, but really, um, it came down to my healing journey. Um, realizing that the, um, and actually it was you that said it in the previous show, my identity had become attached to the tattoos and it became like I was hiding behind them instead of what my original purpose for them was, which was to be able to show who I was on my skin. 

Um, and so I, it, it was one of those that I realized that it was more so about external validation than internal. And that was a moment where it was like, Ooh, wait a minute. Then why are, why are they here? Uh, do I identify with them anymore? Do I need the, um, the external validation? Do I need the, um, attention ultimately speaking in, in that way? And, um, I, I started to think about them completely differently.

Was it something where, I don't know if I asked you this question before, cause I don't remember it in my head, but was there a point where you like got a tattoo and then regretted it? And that also helped you along that journey? Yes. Okay. There was, there was a trigger, uh, ultimately, um, I have, I had a, I had, cause I no longer have it. 

Um, I had a matching tattoo with my ex-husband, um, that was right on my chest. And so it was something that I saw every day, um, day in, day out. And it was, um, he covered it. 

He covered it first. Okay. It was a little bit of like, um, of I'm dropping all my tea here. 

Um, let me sip a little bit. Okay. Uh, yeah. 

I, again, um, another thing that we didn't even mention that you had gone through a divorce as well. So you mentioned, so you had the matching tattoos. He covered his first.

He covered his first. And, um, when he covered it, my thought was, I don't want to cover mine. I want to remove it. 

Um, I don't want it to be a part of me anymore. Um, and so it was a very strong response, I would say, um, that definitely triggered the thought of, well, if I don't want that one anymore, if I don't want to see that on myself anymore, if I don't identify with that anymore, um, what else? And so that's where it then just domino effected from there and was like, well, then I want to remove that one. And I removed that one. 

And then it turned into removing a sleeve and several others and, and a whole bunch of tattoos. All right. Um, yeah.

So is removing the tattoos helping with the healing of all those events? It did. Um, it, it did up until a certain point. Um, I think when I realized, wait a minute, I'm doing the same thing in reverse. 

Um, so I'm still self inflicting pain, um, which is counterintuitive for the healing process, um, at the end of the day. So I'm going to be honest and I have stopped the, um, removal process as of late. Um, the, the ones that I originally wanted to get removed are gone. 

And then after that, I was like, I've, I'm at a point where I'm done self inflicting pain. You're good. Okay.

I'm good. All right. So let me take this opportunity then to give you an opportunity.

I know that you probably had a ton of people asking you question after question after question. And I know that there are people that you shared stuff with, there are people that you didn't share stuff with, uh, there's stuff I'm learning here that even I did not know before. Um, do you get tired of the questions? And if so, what do you say, or what would you like to say? No, um, I, I think that, um, I appreciate curiosity, um, because I'm a curious person and I ask people questions all the time. 

Um, just because I feel like I can, there's so much to learn from others, um, and others experiences without us needing to go through it ourselves. Um, so if we were to just one, be open with certain answers, I think we could help a lot of people in that way. Um, and two, if we listen, um, then we can, there's also a lot to learn from others as well.

And like, uh, I've always been the type of person that I'm going to, um, take others as examples, whether good examples or bad examples to be able to take and apply into my life and to improve myself. And so I feel like that's part of it. And so I don't mind the questions.

Okay. Do you have questions that you turn around and ask people, or are there questions that you have that you want to ask people in reverse? What are you saying? I don't know. I'm just, I'm thinking out loud. 

It's not scripted, obviously, as you can tell, but it's, it's, um, I get the sense that while you're going through your own healing, that other people also have to adjust their thoughts and how they act around you, their perceptions. And I'm sure that there's a part of you that wants to turn the table and say, hey, why are you changing? Am I, am I wrong with thinking that? Yeah. You know, I think it's, I think that as we go through life, I mean, we're not, we're never the same people. 

Um, we continue to change. I mean, if, if you're not changing, that may say something, um, about either you're, you're good and you're fine with who you are, where you are and all of that, which is great. Um, but otherwise you're not learning or, um, expanding on what, you know, and when you aren't doing that, then what kind of, um, for me, at least the way that I see it is if you aren't constantly trying to grow your mindset, um, and grow your capability of understanding others, then you are also not growing your capability of being, being empathetic or having experiences in life that, um, make it richer, um, at the end of the day, make this human experience that we're all going through, um, deeper if that's the, to put it that way. 

Okay. So now let me ask it this way. Were there people that told you to keep the tattoos and did anybody get upset with you for removing the tattoos thinking that, you know, that was wrong? Yeah. 

Oh, of course. Um, there's nobody likes when someone they know changes. Nobody likes when their world changes.

It makes it uncomfortable a lot of the times. And I feel like, um, a lot of the times it's, it's, um, you, uh, you take it offensively almost like, um, you are taking who I know, the person I'm used to away from me. That's not fair to me. 

Um, instead of getting to know the person over again. Um, right. So yeah. 

Were some people upset? Absolutely. Everybody has their own entitled to their own opinions. My own, my own children were upset. 

Um, really? Oh yeah. Yeah. They, they were hurt, um, in a lot of ways by the removal of the tattoos, certain tattoos for sure.

Um, but I've always also taught them that it's, it's okay to, to change. It's okay. Um, to disappoint others as long as you are okay within yourself. 

And for me, that was like, I, I understand why you would be upset or why it would matter. But at the same time, I have to do what's right for me because it's my skin. It's my, it's myself. 

Um, I have to live with me. So did, did them asking you about specific ones ever make you, you know, whether you're sitting in the chair, getting it taken off or after you taken it off saying, Oh, I probably shouldn't remove that one. Have you had that regret, I guess? No, no. 

Good. No, no, no. Um, I have only stopped because of the pain. 

If it didn't hurt, I would keep going. We, we did talk about that. And I was, I guess quite shocked at how painful it was. 

Oh yes. Yeah. Yeah. 

The removal process is definitely more painful. I w and I would dare say, uh, 15 times more painful than getting them. Um, it, it is, uh, and they say it's a fast process, but it's not, it's fast in the moment, but it is not a fast process as a whole overall. 

Right. I know we talked before, you know, about the way that the ink goes in and the removal process, it actually leaves your skin in a certain texture. So are you at a point now where if you go over the places where they were removed, is your skin like anywhere close to being smooth again, or can people rub it? Can you tell? Yeah, that there was a tattoo there. 

Yeah. Where the tattoos are gone, fully gone there. You can't tell. 

I can't tell anything. Um, there's no scarring. There's, um, nothing of the sort. 

So it's, um, slightly miraculous. Nothing is permanent. Nothing is truly permanent. 

So, um, yeah, they're, they're gone. Um, the ones that I have left, you know, obviously that that's still, they're still there, but, um, yeah. Okay. 

The process within itself is, is definitely interesting. The laser aspect of it, just because it, it's, um, so adding or getting them tattooed is a needle, getting them taken off is a laser and the laser is, um, basically breaking it down, breaking the ink down. Um, and then your body does the natural process of processing the ink. 

And so it's not immediate. Um, it is a process within itself and it takes quite a bit. Um, so it's a laser. 

So is it burning off the ink and then you have to regrow skin over that? Or for some reason, I was thinking that there would be a, a sucking the ink out process. Nope. Nope. 

Your body does the work for you. Uh, so the laser will basically break up the ink within your skin. And then, um, your immune system, um, does the work of removing the now smaller particles of ink through your, uh, bloodstream and, um, yeah. 

And so it's, uh, and it's like a third degree burn when you first get it as well. So, um, you have to treat it like a, like a burn. Um, there's, there could be blistering, which happens to me quite often cause my skin is sensitive. 

Um, and so the healing process is just as painful as the laser process. Um, and it takes time. So. 

So ink in the bloodstream, I'm going to try to figure out a way to ask this question politely. Does it stay in the bloodstream or do you pee it out? You pee it out. Okay. 

Yep. Do you, do you know you pee it out or is it just get absorbed in the body and it's just, you don't know? Yeah. You don't know. 

Yeah. It just follows the natural process, I guess. That's what they call it. 

So I'm like, okay. And I'd rather not know, you know? Okay. All right. 

So now that we've gone through that, let's kind of circle back to the changes that you were going through. Uh, we also talked about the imposter syndrome. Did that help, you know, getting those tattoos removed and changing the outward appearance of identity to people? And did that help in any way with the imposter syndrome where people started to look at you differently and be like, okay, you're looking more like the part.

Good to go. I wouldn't say that it's the physical aspect of it, um, that has changed with that. I think that it's, um, that the, the more I've grown up in the industry, I think that the more that I've experienced, um, or have added on to my experience, the more that I have started to be more comfortable with myself, um, and realizing that, uh, I have something to offer. 

And, um, that's what ultimately speaking has started the, or changed the imposter syndrome aspect. Okay. Uh, we talked about your grandmother going through her processes. 

Um, so she was going through that. You were going through your stuff, both professionally and personally. Where does everything stand now? Um, well, my, um, my grandmother passed away three weeks ago.

Um, and so that, let me tell you, um, nobody really prepares you for it. Um, no matter how much, no matter how much I watched her, um, what is the, the term, uh, they say, um, um, I can't even think of it now, but, um, so just watching her decline, um, watching the natural evolution of end of life. Um, even, even though I was watching that in real time, when she passed, I was still not ready. 

Um, I was still not ready to let go. And although during that same time, it was almost like having to tell her it's okay to let go. Uh, and our family watching our family again, give her that, uh, that piece of being able to let go. 

We ourselves were not ready, which is something that's very, very difficult, especially as, um, you have to continue your professional life. Like you still need money. So you gotta keep going. 

Um, you know, I'm, I'm a single mom on top of that. So my, my son's life and to continue going at the same time as well. Um, so the motion of life continues, although, um, your reality starts to change, which is, um, it was, yeah, like, for those that have been through it, I'm, I'm sure they, they can relate. 

Um, and at the same time for me, it was a, it was a beautiful experience because I got to, um, reconnect with my roots in so many ways, um, through her and, um, at the same time, identify cycles that I have purposefully been breaking at the same time, identifying cycles that I have, um, have just been breaking without even realizing it. Um, and so it, this year has been challenging for sure, um, on so many fronts, but it's one of those where it's like, you, you see, you see the beauty in the broken, um, for sure. And to let everybody know you were close enough that you were a part of it.

A lot of us, I think we're either not in the same city, sometimes not in the same state. Uh, when those things happened, you were close, not just, you know, in spirit, but you were close in proximity so that you were there as you said. Yeah. 

Um, so I live in Dallas and my grandmother and my mother live in Houston. Um, and so that was part of the challenge that I, and decision that I had to make as part of, um, my professional life and taking a step back from that during this time was, I also needed to travel, um, in order to be there. And so I was traveling back and forth, um, you know, weeks at a time and that kind of thing to just help relieve my mom and, um, and also be, be there for my grandmother. 

Um, and so it, it was, it was a lot. Well, uh, I will tell the listeners, uh, some of them may know, uh, I have mentioned it briefly on the show before I am in a similar situation where my mom is battling cancer and she is, just over two hours away. I do have two sisters that are also close. 

One sister lives close to mom. The other sister lives near me and getting back and forth is difficult. It's insane, especially for somebody that owns their own business. 

Uh, I also do these podcasts. I've got my family here and I understand, uh, let's do this. I just, uh, put you through an emotional whirlwind here.

Uh, let's go ahead and take a break and consider this part one of the show. We'll catch our breath, compose ourselves and come back with part two. You okay with that? Sounds good. 

All right. All right, folks. Uh, Nancy Henriquez here and we, uh, well, I have no better way to say it. 

We'll take a break and we'll be right back. Bye.